A Mermaid in the Bath - Milton Marmalade

A humorous novel that crosses the boundaries between literary fiction, philosophy and plain silliness.

A mermaid turns up in your bath, without explanation or warning—what do you do? It's almost as disruptive as the search for Truth or (worse) finding it. To complicate matters further, Lionel falls in love with her just before she disappears into the clutches of the evil Dr Squidtentacles. 

Lionel's efforts to rescue her are aided by his friend Captain Kipper, the Higgs Bosun and the lovely Lola 'Hotstuff' Tabasco, and complicated by international hallucinogenic chilli dealer Ramón Pimiento el Picante.

This is a ripping yarn with some very slow car chases involving a Morris Minor and a slow ping-pong duel Matrix-style, not to mention (but I will anyway) a Greek chorus of Cornish villagers, an atomic submarine and a description of St Doris Island and what took place there in the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. 

Between chapters of adventure not a lot more absurd than real life are philosophical ponderings by Professor Neville Twistytrouser of St Doris College, Oxford together with testy rebuttals by Professor Alphonse Pince-Nez of the department of Saltimbanques de Mer at the Sorbonne, plus the fully justified complaints of Milton Marmalade's exotic Welsh secretary, Myfanwy.

Destined to become a cult classic.

Milton Marmalade—'An idiot at the height of his powers.'