Parade of Malfeasance - Joseph Goosey

Servals have the fastest paw strike
of any living feline.
Blue whales have the biggest babies
and if spiders weighed 238lbs
maybe then we'd give a fuck
while hailing our methods humane
but for now our capillaries
chug Keystone,
pixelated worlds become womb,
cassowaries won't eat a local newborn,
and swapping out urinal cakes
pays nine an hour
plus transportation
to and from
whatever holes we crawl.
This ecology is too spicy.
Remember the declaration of independence
from ever again cooking with jalapeño
before buttstuffs?
Once
there was a tiger who choked
on a good time.
Once
there was a boy who ached granular.
Once
those two bred
and a children's book was sold...
...the author of which is a scumbag.
We sing a hymn in her honor.